It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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