he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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