hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
My liver just had a heart attack.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
