Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
