Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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