nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
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