Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
