I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Randomize
