I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
