Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
