Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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