his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Operation Purity has been aborted
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Randomize
