Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize