You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Randomize
