Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Randomize
