I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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