so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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