he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
kristin has been a bad kristin
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Randomize
