it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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