Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Randomize
