You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Randomize
