he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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