Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Randomize