you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
