I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
God, I missed his penis.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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