my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
