my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
