No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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