Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
