I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
You were trust falling into bushes
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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