we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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