Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
