i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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