My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
