she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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