Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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