I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Help. Why am I so naked?
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
