Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
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