Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
