summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
