I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
