I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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