Cold hands, warm shart.
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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