So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
