Three words: puerto rican gang bang
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
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