She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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