I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
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