last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
