I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize