Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Randomize
