I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize
