2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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