I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Randomize
