Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
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