I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
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