I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Randomize
