May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
