When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Randomize
