I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Randomize
