and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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