Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I am midnight drunk by noon
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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