flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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