No awkward lesbian experiences without me
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
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