Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Randomize
