I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize
