wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
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