Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Randomize
