So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
