I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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