He is such a slut. More and more my type.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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