I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
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