I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
