she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
