Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
youre lurking in front of me
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
