That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
