If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
