end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
