just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize