Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
