my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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