How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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