She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Randomize
