1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
