a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Randomize
