So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
