____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
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