i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
