how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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