i already hear my dad disowning me
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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