I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Randomize
