We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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